Praying

I've been doing a lot of praying lately. For one specific thing. During my quiet time this morning, I was reading about answered prayer. It got me thinking.

What happens if God chooses not to answer the way I want Him to? I know He will answer. I just may not like his answer. It causes me to ask some questions that I am not sure I want the answer to.

There have been numerous times in my life where I prayed and the answer was no. I remember while doing CPR on Ava, crying out to God to save her, knowing HE could, but he chose not to. I remember after Josh got hurt, praying for God to heal him, yet again, he chose not to.

Why would I choose to follow a Lord who allows me so much pain? Why is there so much pain we have to suffer? Why does God choose to heal some and not others? So many questions that will probably not be answered on this side of heaven.

Then I remember. How would I have ever made it through the trials in life without him? HE was the one who sustained me through my grief. He was the one who stood by me when no one else knew what to say. He was the one who carried me through when I thought I could not take another breath.

So, what happens if God's answer is "no" to my ever pleading request?

I know God will still be God. I will not question his sovereignty. He has proved that to me time and again. I will continue to question pain. Why he chooses to heal some and not others. If praying for healing will change God's mind or if it is more for me.

All I know is that if I continue to seek God, and not rely on the things of this world, I will continue to be sustained by my Father, the one who created the Earth, the one who created me, the one who cares about me, the one who cares about my heart.