6/5/07 11:55 p.m.

I quit.

I'm tired, stressed, everyone needs more than I have to give. A group of people left my house a few minutes ago and left a huge mess. The baby is crying and really doesn't want anything in particular. My back hurts from getting Josh into bed. I'm frustrated at having to problem solve getting the heater close enough to Josh to keep him warm. I'm just frustrated. That's all there is to it.

I was leaving church on Sunday night, struggling to load three kids and too much stuff. I had finally gotten everyone buckled, and was pulling out feeling frustrated at how hard everything is when I saw a girl from church walking across the road with her three kids. Her husband had their youngest child on his shoulders and the older two were walking next to her. She was working hard at carrying her purse. :-) I was jealous. I admit it.

Tonight, a group of girls were talking about all the movies they've rented lately. I haven't been to Blockbuster since the accident. I felt like the odd man out that has nothing in common with the people I'm with. My life is so different than it used to be and today I feel yucky.

So, yes, I'm having one of those "life is too hard" moments. I'm feeling sorry for myself and starting to annoy myself. I try and remind myself that God knows how much I can handle and will give me no more. I need to remind him that I'm not that strong. I'm tired and my fuse is short.

I'm too tired to think of much. One thing to note. Our church is helping to throw a Boogie Skate at Terry Hall skating rink in Grandville. People were talking about it tonight. The skating rink is letting us use it and the entrance fee is a donation. The money will go to us (yaaaay!) to help us out with all our bills. I've not been roller skating in probably 15 years so it should be fun. Even though our church is sponsoring it, I was told to give the info out to blogland that everyone is invited. We would love to see you, meet you, talk to you and watch you show your moves on the roller rink!

I'm too tired. Please pray for my sanity and patience with my family.  Please pray that Ephram starts sleeping better at night. Pray that Josh is able to continue to handle the changes that have taken place in his life. Pray that we know how to be good parents to our kids while we keep throwing all kinds of changes at them.

Much love. Night-night.

6/2/07 10:20 p.m.

Josh has had some pretty decent days over the last few days. He has been busy going to therapy, being ranged, and hanging out with friends. Our house is a crazy house of people always coming and going, random people spending the night and other's on their way out. We also still have a lot of people from church coming and going and babysitters for the two older kids coming and going a few hours a day during the week.  All the help that we get around here is incredible.

Yesterday, Josh headed to the arts festival downtown. For those of you who are not from this area, once a year Grand Rapids sponsors an arts festival that consists of all kinds of music, dancing, art and many others. It is a huge festival and tons of fun. For therapy yesterday, Josh met his therapists downtown to work on getting around in this type of environment. Josh's brother drove Josh in the van and dropped him off a few blocks from where he needed to be be. Josh had to wheel himself 6 blocks and after he arrived, his batteries in his wheels were dead. He was pretty frustrated about this. He talked about how hard it is to be on your own and know that if something happens, no one is right next to him. He also said he feels like people do not respect people in chairs. He has spent the last half of his life towering over people and is now in a very different situation that is difficult to deal with. He struggles to see over the top of counters, looking people in the eye because they are so much taller and many other similar situations.

Today, we walked to the end of our road and took the kids to Sandy's Donut Shop. This is the second time Josh has done this and the kids love it. Josh got stuck on the sidewalks four or five times but didn't seem too frustrated. It's a nice little outing for the kids and something Josh can do with them. We also reap the benefits of the donuts once we arrive. We saw some neighborhood people there and it makes us feel like we're starting to make some connections here in this new west side area.

 The kids are doing well. Zoe has been making some comments about how she likes our old house better and wants to go back. I am a bit concerned about her and her adjustment. I think she is probably just venting, but I want her to be a well adjusted child who is not "damaged" by all the negative things going on around her. Both of our kids have had a lot to deal with in their short lives, and it's sometimes difficult for me to trust God to protect them, their little minds and hearts. One of the women I have met through this situation talks of how her daughter has had some emotional struggles a few years after her husband was injured. Please pray for God to protect our children and to give us the wisdom on how to handle this situation in the best way possible. I do not want our kids to feel like they missed out on something or that they got the short end of the stick in regards to the struggles we have gone through.

Ephram is getting bigger and bigger. He has been decently fussy today for the first time. We hope this is not the start of something! :-) There is always a lot going on around him and we could really use a good baby that sleeps well. The sleeping has gotten a bit better so mommy is feeling a bit better (the nap today was great too!). Zoe continues to dote on her little brother. Yesterday when she woke up, she skipped coming to mommy first and went to see her brother. She kissed all over his little head and made up a little song "I love you little guy." This is her term of endearment that she came up with all on her own. It cracks me up it's so cute!

Josh figured out how to drink a cup of cofee day before yesterday. We were both so excited. I don't like feeding him coffee because I'm always afraid I'll burn him and it's something difficult to drink when you have no control. Anyway, I had poured the coffee in a mug that is significantly smaller on the bottom and it gets wider at the top. After getting his balance centered, he is able to drink the entire cup independently! He had this huge grin on his face like he was so proud of himself. It was cute and I felt so proud of him.

Noah is almost done with school for the year. We are looking forward to having him home for the summer and Zoe having her playmate all day every day. Last year was hard before we got some of his behaviors under control. He is such a hyper little guy, he hits the floor running every morning, yelling and jumping about 2 minutes after getting out of bed. He is quite the little bundle of energy. Since Josh and I decided to put him on medication this past fall, everyone's lives, especially Noah's, is much more enjoyable. We don't worry about him so much and wonder what danger he will find next. Yes, he is still a handful, but he is so fun. He would swing and ride his bike from the second he got out of bed if allowed.

That's all for today. I am heading off to cuddle with my little boy. Much love.

Prayer Requests:


-Prayer for our children and wisdom for us (the parents just trying to do the right thing)

-Emotional stability for Josh