A Clean Pathology Report

We got word from the hospital that all of the pathology reports came back negative! Praise the Lord. This is a huge answer to prayer. What this means is that the cancer is completely contained. Because my mom has had the entire cancerous area removed, her prognosis is excellent. She is going to see the oncologist in the near future to see what the next step is. 

Going into this whole cancer thing, my mom was acting like it wasn't a big deal and that is was just surgery.  Since the recovery process has begun,  she has come to realize how much of an emotional battle this has become. She is often emotional,  not sure why she is crying, but feeling down  just the same. Please be praying that  the Lord stays near to her and comforts her. Her healing continues to take it's own sweet time so she just continues to rest. :-) She's read a lot of books and done a lot of looking at the backs of her eyelids. 

Our kids came home today. Seven days without your kids is a loooooong time. I say this in both a positive and a negative way. We missed them so much but we loved having some time to ourselves. We spent numerous days watching movies, falling asleep in the middle, and then having to rewind. Don't you just love days like that? I know, they are few and far between for most of us, but much appreciated when you get the chance to indulge.

Josh and I had a ton of time to talk about how we are going to continue moving forward as a family. I say this with reservation because I know there are some readers out there who have experienced an injury similar to Josh's or is the significant other of that person. I realize it has been over a year. I realize we need to move on. I realize how much we have been blessed and loved. I also realize that as of about 3 weeks ago, I was ready to check myself in somewhere because I felt I was standing on a precipice, getting ready to fall off. My sanity was gone long ago (I'm joking... okay... only joking a little) but I do need to be able to function at a certain level where we can all survive and be happy. Because of my lack of sanity, Josh's parents took the kids for the week so I could get some uninterrupted sleep and figure some things out. We've come to the conclusion that we may be looking to hire some help. I know many families do this without help, but my personality definitely predisposes me to depression. It is a constant battle for me to feel like I can do this. So many of you have been so much help to us over the past year, but I will ask again. :-) Will you please be in prayer for our family as we journey down this road of looking for someone who fits in well with our family and meets our needs? We aren't even sure what we are looking for at this time but we are praying for God to prepare us and this person who may become a big part of our lives.  It is difficult for me to admit that I can't do it all, especially when I see other's handling it without outside help. I guess this was just not to be for us. I wish I could do all the laundry, make all the meals, clean the house, play with the kids, help Josh with all his needs, and still have a lust for life. Most evenings, I'm so tired I just want to get in my bed and have a few minutes alone before falling asleep. 

I was in the chapel at the YMCA this past week and doing some praying about our present circumstances. I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to handle everything with a decent attitude. It was then I felt like the Lord was telling me that HE made me. He knows what I am capable of and what I can and cannot handle. He put me in this situation. It did not just "happen." God chose for me to be Josh's wife, knowing full well Josh would become a quadriplegic. When He placed Ava in my womb, He knew we would only have her a short time. He created me to be Josh's wife and Ava's mom. Whether I think I can handle it or not is insignificant. My God can get me through anything. But my God has also allowed others to help us so that we CAN handle it. Those people are you. So many of you are my sanity. The meals that people brought, the money people gave so we could survive and outfit Josh with all his new needs, the people who came and cleaned my skanky house and toilets, the lawn that was mowed, the driveways that were shoveled, the time you spent loving my kids and still do... all of these things were my sanity. But most of all, your prayers for God to continue to surround us and love us, for Him to make his presence known to us in even the hardest situations, these are the main things that get me through. Please continue to pray for us. When I have a day where I think I should be losing my mind but I am just thankful for life, these are the days I know I am being prayed for. Thank you. More than you know...