mother's day

So Mothers Day was the best one to date. I have had the joy of celebrating Mothers Day for 7 years now. I never thought being a mom would so vastly change who I am. I don't think it's even possible to comprehend how much your kids change you. Here we are, trying to be this light to our kids, to raise them to love God, to love people, and really, they are changing us. 

I was a special education teacher before I became a mom. I was always the patient teacher, the one whose students didn't ruffle her feathers. I thought this would carry over to mommy-dom. I was wrong. Seriously wrong. I am not the patient mother. I am always trying to hurry my kids. "Hurry, put your shoes on. Hurry, we're going to be late. Hurry, put on your seat belt. NO, not that way..." That's me. Not the patient mom like the patient teacher I used to be. I want to be patient, but I'm not. And then sometimes, I'm stupid enough to pray for patience (it IS a fruit of the Spirit) and then God tries to teach me. The only problem is that to be taught patience, I'm put in situations where I have to practice patience. Hmmm...

I want to be the mom who is not always doing something. I want to sit and just be with my kids. But, I'm always busy, busy, busy. Gotta clean the house, gotta mow the grass (that's a new one for me), gotta make dinner. Rarely take time to make cookies (they make such a mess!!!) or to just sit and read books, I have things to do! 

Isn't that sad??? I'm pathetic, I know. But I also know that some of my friends are the exact same way and don't want to be like this. Over the past 6 months, I have seen huge changes in my life in these areas. Yes, I am still impatient and hate to make cookies with my kids, but I see the worth in it. I see how much it lights up my kids eyes. It gives me a charge to think of what little thing can I do today that I would not have done with them 6 months ago? My own little adventure.

When I became a mom, I thought my kids were mine. I bore them for heavens sake, whose else were they? After losing a child, my view has changes drastically. God has loaned these kids to me. They are His. He has entrusted them to me and expects me to be the mother he calls me to be. He wants me to teach them to love Him. When He took Ava back to himself, I thought my life was over. I never thought I would survive. I now know that you do survive. Even if you don't want to. You learn to put one foot in front of the other, to continue on. I pray that this never happens again, but I now know something that I didn't know before. God will sustain me. If He chose to bring another one of my children home, yes, I would feel like I was going to die. But the funny thing is, he knows how it feels to lose a child. He lost his son Jesus. Losing Ava taught me that God is all I need even when my human body and emotions tell me otherwise. No, my emotions would be no less. No, it would not be easier. But I know that God would get me through. I know that these amazing children who reside with me are not really mine, but a gift from God. What a Mothers Day present.