July 23, 2008

Hello all. We are doing well here at the Buck household. Ephram got tubes put in his ears last week and is doing great! He is a bit less fussy, although he has never been fussy baby. :-) We got to the hospital at 6:45 and we were gone before 8:30. Not too bad huh? This should solve his ear infection and numerous fevers issue. Josh continues on working for the church. He and my Uncle Randy have been doing a lot getting ready for the golf scramble on Saturday. It should be a great time. We have heard of numerous people we have never met who will be there, so we are looking forward to that. The house is getting very close to completion. The tile is going in the last few days as well as the elevator. Josh has been in the lower level only once so he is getting excited to see his office and the other areas he will use often. We have been furniture shopping and going to meetings the past week which makes for a busy week. We went to my mom and dad's house tonight for a little swim party. My brother, Derek, is in town from Florida so we've been having lots of family time. It's been great. We all met for dinner in Grand Haven on Monday at my parents RV. The kids went swimming and we went for a few walks. It can be hard for Josh to be in these situations because it becomes so obvious to him what he can't do anymore. All in all, he did really well. After we left, my parents and brother went for a walk on the pier and my mom fell and broke her ankle. She had to have surgery yesterday to have plates and pins placed which put a bit of a damper on things. (Yes, I'm being a bit sarcastic!) She is home and in good spirits. Please pray for her health and for infection to not set in. She was feeling a bit cold and under the weather when we took off this evening. On the way home I saw something that has had me thinking. We were heading east on Lake Michigan Drive toward home when I saw a mother and little boy around four walking on the sidewalk. A large white dog went running for them and jumped on the little boy. This was no mild jumping- the dog was attacking the little boy. The mom lunged forward and wrapped herself around her little boy. The owner was screaming at the dog trying to get it back under control. It all happened in just a few seconds but it really shook me up. I feel like that little boy. It seems like no matter which way I turn, that dog is still coming after me. The attack is relentless. The devil is insisting on this attack. And even when my heavenly Father wraps his arms around me to protect me, I am so scared I try to shake him off too, until I take that second to realize that someone is trying to protect me, not harm me. I'm sure that little boy was not sure what was going on when his mom wrapped her arms around him and yanked him to the side. I find myself pulling away from people lately. These are people who I know God has placed in my life as an encouragement and a positive influence. I know I pull away because my heart hurts. The three year anniversary of Ava's homegoing will be next Friday, August first. This has been another challenging year but one where I realize the constant ache and lump in my throat is much less prevalent. There are still times of such poignant grief yet they are becoming less often. There are still times where I realize that she is never far from my heart. For example, we were at camp last Sunday and I was sitting next to Sarah during the service. Josh had a power point presentation with pictures of all our kids, including Ava. Part way through the worship set, and before Josh was speaking, Sarah leaned over and said, "There's Ava!" Keep in mind that the strongest memories I have of her are at camp, a little over a week before she died. We spent the whole week together there, as a family, and the memories are very special. Well, when Sarah says, "There's Ava," my first gut reaction is to gasp and look. What she meant was "Look. There is a picture of Ava." After three years you would think I would not react that way. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably react that way when I'm 85. I will always be missing my little girl until I see her again. Anyway, a lot of thoughts running through my head, not much structure...typical me.