Life has continued at it's ever popular fast-forward pace. Nothing major happening here just lot's of little stuff. We went in for our first ultrasound this week and saw a tiny little heartbeat. We were so excited. Zoe came with us but she doesn't know that I'm pregnant yet so she kept saying we were looking at mommy's tummy. Yeah, sort of. We are keeping the news to ourselves until we get out of the first trimester danger zone. They have had enough loss and confusion in their lives to find out we're having a baby and then have something happen. I'm at the puking stage right now. We were having a meeting here at the house on Tuesday night and I was upstairs making some disgusting sounds. I thought I was being all quiet but obviously not b/c as I walked downstairs everyone was like "Are you okay?" I wasn't exactly being the hostess with the mostest. :-)
We got the kids a new pediatrician here in Grand Rapids. She is great and I was very encouraged as she spent an hour in the room with Noah and me. She saw a few temper tantrums and a good view of the real Noah so that was a blessing. She is setting up numerous appointments for us, even one that I have been trying in vain for three weeks to make. It's nice to find someone to tell us what to do and not have to spend hours on the phone getting it taken care of. She had some great suggestions and a few difficult things to hear although they don't come as a shock. One recommendation is to get a safe time out area on the first floor that he can't escape from and can't hurt himself (doesn't she realize how small my house is?). This could be a challenge but we're going to be doing some brain storming. The other thing she said was that she would not be surprised and per her exact words "get us ready" for him to eventually get a diagnosis of a pervasive developmental disorder. In most circles this is otherwise known as autism. Not a huge shock but not what you want to hear about your little boy. He has such a sweet personality 99 percent of the time. Funny how that other one percent puts such a shadow over the rest. All to say: please pray for our little boy. That Josh and I can know how to handle him and make him understand boundaries. Please pray for Zoe: that she doesn't get lost in the shuffle and can continue growing into the amazing young woman she is already becoming. Please pray for our poppy seed: that it will continue growing and be a healthy baby.
That's all for now. Back to watching the Tigers (who are actually winning at this point in the game).
A Much Needed Post
So, Josh's computer has been in the shop for over two weeks so this post is long overdue. Much has been going on in the past few weeks.
We had a party in the park for the community of Eastown. It was an absolute blast and we really saw God working. For the party we ordered one of those bungee runs and Josh had a little accident. :0) The bruise is from the bungee cord breaking away and smacking his leg. The bruise was from the back of his knee to almost his butt. It was disgusting (the pic is a little graphic but I couldn't resist!).
A few days ago I woke up to the sound of sirens
at about 7:15. It sounded really close, like right next door, so I decided to investigate. Low and behold, a car had made it's way into our neighbor's house (ours is the one to the left). Woopsie poopsie. :-) I woke Josh up who went over and took pics on the "down low" (we thought taking pics might seem a bit insensitive but I had to put this into blog-land). Everyone was fine and the car only got the foundation and outside of the house.
Last but not least, certainly not least. I peed on a stick. The stick is mine. It's a pregnancy test. I took 3 of them. They were all positive. It's official. We're having a baby!!! Josh and I are beyond ecstatic. My due date is still a long way off - june 17 to be exact. I'm barely even sick yet. I know we are telling people a bit early but I was hoping you could all pray circles around this little poppy seed otherwise known as our baby.
So, you wonder how this makes us feel in regards to ava? A few things to note: it is a bit bittersweet. A new life is being formed and we cannot get back the one we lost. God has given this little person to us for the time being, and we pray that it is for a longer time than the last. Only God knows his plans and that is a little scary to accept. It's when I don't remember that God loves my kids more than me that it's scary. Does that make any sense? In some ways, I am a bit hesitant to use the stuff with a new baby that Ava used. Ava was the third in line and we used all the same things with Noah and Zoe. The shortness of breath, the ache in my heart, and all of the like is hard when I see the bouncy seat, the car seat, or the new high chair we got specifically for her but she was never big enough to use. I did warn Josh that this baby may be a bit more expensive cause we are going to need some new stuff. I need to keep those things for Ava because I never want to lose the specialness of them. I don't want them to become "just" the bouncy seat or "just" the car seat. I also hope this baby can share a few of the things that were Ava's, be it a blanket or an outfit that Ava wore- depending on the sex of the baby.
All to say, that yes it's a blessing and yes, it's bittersweet. The day after we found out, a girl at church asked me if it was bittersweet, and I said no. I have since changed my mind. After a week and a half of processing, we are just as excited for this new little life, but more aware of what we have lost. Our sweet little Ava and our sweet new little baby.
God is good.
