3/5/07 5:15 a.m.

I realize I only posted a few hours ago, but I thought I would again. I am laying in my bed, with my adorable little Zoe sorta' snoring next to me, and I can't sleep. My mind is running a mile a minute and my prayers seem inadequate and self-centered. There are so many times through out the day where I feel so encouraged and up-lifted but there are these times where I feel discouraged and scared. I wonder what is taking God so long to heal Josh? I know everything is perfect in his time, but come on and heal him already. I know you can... what's the hold up?

I see Josh at his best times and his worst times. We pray so often for an encouraging sensation, movement or gain in some area.  When days go by and we don't see much change, it's difficult to accept. So much of this is difficult to accept. We are getting to a point where we want to accept whatever God's plan is, but we don't know the plan. Sometimes the "not knowing" seems harder than the process of accepting what is to come.

Please pray for our spirits to continued to be lifted. These 5 a.m. posts mean my mind is at war with my heart. I want to let my heart win out, God is present there and Satan wants to take a hold of my mind. He wants to fill me with thoughts of inability, lack of faith and discouragement. I know these thoughts are not Christ-like but they are still a real battle waging in my mind.

God continues to encourage us daily through this trying experience. Please pray that God continues to allow us to feel this way and not become overwhelmed in this process. Pray that Satan cannot get a foothold in our thoughts or hearts. We know the truth, we want to claim the truth and let God be glorified!

3/4/07 10:30 p.m.

Josh had another good day today.  One of the things he has been working on at length is his tinodisis.  Tinodisis, to the average person like myself, is using your wrist to get your fingers to grasp something.  Josh has been wearing these huge braces on his wrists to allow the tendons on the bottom side of his wrists to tighten up.  He can then lift his wrist up and his fingers come together in a grasping position. As of Thursday, Jim, the occupational therapy guy, said the left brace could come off. We were excited! It is hard work for Josh to do things without the brace but one less piece of adaptive equipment he needs on all the time. Anyway, today he worked at picking up playing cards and checker pieces by sliding them to the edge of the table and then grasping with his thumb and forefinger. This is very hard when you have no usable finger movement. He tried this yesterday without much success, but today went great! We were very encouraged. Josh will use the tinodisis to feed himself, grab a pencil and pick anything else up. This will allow him to be much more independent!! Might seem like a small thing, but not in the land of rehab.

Josh got a chance to sleep in a little later than usual which is always a bonus to his day. His day usually begins around 6 a.m. If you know Josh personally he would say something about how getting up at this time is "against his religion" or something of the sort. :-) In other words, he and morning are not the greatest of friends.

We usually get to join the church on Sunday nights via a live feed but our internet was down all weekend at MFB. Pretty frustrating. Being a "part" of the service is so encouraging for both Josh and me. To not have that made tonight a little harder than normal. We made the best of it by ordering pizza and watching a movie. :-) Please remember our church in prayer as it is going through some major changes as Josh is unable to participate right now. He has times where he is very concerned about this and other times where he cannot see past the current situation. Either way, please remember Greenhouse, all the people who call this church home, and all the people who do so much to make this church happen.

I will be heading up again early tomorrow morning as Josh will be doing a live interview with WJQ- 99.3  The have been a huge support to us and are doing a big fundraiser at the end of March for Josh and another pastor in the area with some large medical bills. The interview is at 7:20, sorta' early (poor Josh!), but we are excited to let people in the Grand Rapids area hear how Josh is doing. Please pray that his words speak truth, faith, and realness.  Now I will sign off and try to get a few hours of sleep before our big morning. Nighty-night.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-tomorrow morning's interview

-guidance with a surgical decision we will be making in the next few days

3/3/07 9:15 p.m.

Today has been a slow day for Josh.  The snow held up a lot of the therapists so we had a slower than average Saturday. Josh is not complaining. He had another good night of sleep last night and has been a little more awake than normal in the mornings.

Josh�s parents came to visit this weekend and have spent some time with him. It is nice for them to see the gains that Josh is making from week to week. Because I spend all day with him some of the gains are harder for me to notice. Each week he seems to be lifting a little more weight or pushing his chair a little further or a little harder. Each gain is something we are thankful for and praise the Lord for continually. Although we have not seen leg movement or some sign of a miraculous healing, we continue to pray for and trust God to heal Josh.  Some days are harder than others to hang on to the faith that God will heal him. Please pray that God will continue to sustain our faith when we get frustrated or impatient.

The kids are going to stay with Grandpa and Grandma Syswerda tonight so they will be well taken care of.  Last night they stayed with Noah�s teacher Michelle, and Zoe was so excited all week you would have thought she was going to Disney World.

We cannot say thank you enough to all the people who have so lovingly taken care of our kids. They continue to seem well adjusted for the most part (Noah�s sleep continues to be a problem) but other than that, they are doing great. So many people have volunteered to take time out of their busy schedule to take care of our kids and thank you just does not seem to cover it.

No other major news today. Slow days are not always so bad, I guess. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to adjust to this current life.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-stability or our family

-usage of Josh's fingers

3/2/07 9:45 p.m.

Josh felt Ephram move for the first time today! Because of the little feeling he has in his hands, it has made it difficult for Josh to feel movement. Well, today when I was shifting Josh back in his chair, he had his head leaning on my belly and he got a kick in the forehead.  We were so excited!!!

Josh had another fun-filled day of therapy. Lots of work done- he spent time trying to work his iPOD and trying to get some earphones over his ears.  These normally easy tasks are very frustrating for Josh.  So many things in life that we normally take for granted are so hard for him. 

We also spent some time looking at many different types of lifts today.  The lift is what we will use to move him from his wheelchair to the bed and anywhere else he wants to sit or lay.  Because of his injury, we need to be able to do the majority of the work for him.  Keep in mind Josh is a pretty big boy and I can't just throw him over my shoulder! :-) The lift will be a big help to me and a blessing on my back. This is one of the pieces of adaptive equipment we need to decide on very soon. It costs twice as much as Josh's last car. Kinda puts it in perspective...

By the end of next week Josh will be getting passes to leave the hospital.  I have some training to do to be able to take him out, but we are very excited!!! We also have a van coming our way from Peoria, Illinois so we will have transportation.  This is great news and Josh is very excited to be able to have a little freedom outside of the hospital.

No new news here about any new movement or sensations. Please pray for God to keep us encouraged.  This afternoon was a difficult one of reality, but something that needs to be addressed.  God continues to be faithful to us and we continue to hang on to his promises. We know he will never give us more than we can handle.  This continues to be a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute challenge for us. We cannot say thank you enough for all your love, prayers and support. You guys rock my world!!!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING

-Spiritual and emotional encouragement for our family

-Use of Josh's fingers- we want to hear Josh on the guitar during worship!!!

3/1/07 7:15 p.m.

Wow, it's March already.  I feel as though we have been living in a time warp of hospitals, tests, therapy and hospital rooms. Josh's accident was 6 weeks ago today.  Many of the professionals we talk with say the 6th week to the 8th week are when they expect to see the significant gains begin to fade off. They are not saying we won't see any, but the majority of the changes will take place before this time. We have lots of praying to do over this next 2 weeks.

Today was one of those days when Josh could not wake up. He was being shocked on the arms to increase his muscle strength and he kept falling alseep between sessions. He would wake up real fast as the current would start through his arm though! :-) We got a couple good giggles in.

The occupational therapists worked with Josh at holding a baby in a sling.  They place the sling around him and the baby is velcroed in around the waist. They then have a bottle they have "jimmy-rigged" so that Josh can feed the baby. He felt quite comfortable with this and felt like he could control the bottle well enough to feed the baby carefully. This was fun for Josh. The baby weighs about 8-10 pounds so it should be pretty close to what our baby weighs soon after birth. It will be nice for both Josh and me to have him be able to feed the baby. It will be a good way for Josh to bond with Ephram.

We are starting to realize that the birth is not all too far away.  We have a lot of decisions and preparations to make before this baby joins us.  I am 25 weeks right now which means that if this baby tries to join us early, they will allow him to arrive at 35 weeks. That's only 10 weeks away. Josh's plans for MFB are still 8-10 weeks. We could be cutting it pretty close. Most of the professionals and post-patients say that the first 30 days home are extremely hard so we are already beginning to pray for a smooth transition. We know that God is capable of this. He has already made this terrible situation survivable thus far and continues to encourage us daily.

We will be visiting the church next week with a group of people from MFB. They will be looking at what needs to be done to the church so that Josh can resume work as quickly as possible. We have no idea how long that will be but we are keeping it in mind. Right now the church is completely inaccessible and it will be quite the physical challenge to get him in. All the same, he is looking forward to getting out of here. He has left one time since he arrived a hair over a month ago.  He is starting to go a little stir crazy. 

All of us are feeling better today and I managed to stay up here all day even though the nurses around here are a bunch of crazies!!! (We love you guys!) It was nice to be back with Josh and feel like I am a part of his recovery process. He will soon be trying out many different wheelchairs to pick out the two he wants to order as his own. They usually arrive about 6-12 weeks after he is discharged.  Please pray for us as so many decisions have to be made over the next few weeks. Josh says he doesn't really need to decide all this stuff cause he's walking out of this place. He can't wait to give away all the adaptive equipment and money donated to others who really need it. He says he still waiting on God's total healing. I love his attitude. He seems to still be facing reality but believing God will heal him. We'll just continue to wait on God's timing. We know he is able!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-More finger sensation and movement

-Guidance for the decisions that need to be made in the next few weeks